Saturday, 28 June 2014

Life as a Singleton

I’ve been planning this post in my head for months but it’s taken me a while to get round to putting pen to paper (or typing to computer in this case!) Everyone will have experience of being single. Some people are only single for short amounts of time, whereas others, like myself, will go years without being in a relationship. I wanted to do a post that talked about what it’s like to be a long-term singleton, and look at the pros and cons of living a single life.

Although I’m 25, I’ve never really had a serious relationship. A lot of this is down to being chronically ill and simply not getting out to meet people. For the majority of my teenage life I was more concerned with issues relating to hospital tests and managing to get out of bed in the morning, and the thought of looking for a boyfriend didn’t really cross my mind. My last boyfriend was when I was 14 – we ‘went out’ for a while but I wouldn’t say it was serious and pretty soon we were going our separate ways. Don’t get me wrong, over the years I’ve thought about looking for a relationship and felt there was something missing in my life, a space that needed filling, but it just hasn’t happened.

As I get older, I’m starting to get more worried about the fact that I’ve been single for so long. I’m still unwell, which makes meeting someone more difficult, and I worry about the reaction I might get when someone finds out about my dating history. I’ve been on a few dates with various guys, but we’ve either not clicked or they’ve not been able to feel comfortable taking someone with a chronic illness on, which I find really sad. This has really affected my already low self-esteem, and I get times where I feel completely unlovable and have visions of myself being single forever, surrounded by cats!

I’ve spoken to other friends who have been single for a long time, usually due to illness, and there seems to be a similar feeling across the board of not feeling like an adult. I know for me, it feels like I’ve missed out on a massive part of growing up, and sometimes I still feel like a 14-year-old girl trapped in an adult body. People expect you to have lived experiences that most other young adults have lived, and when you explain to them that you haven’t actually been with a guy yet they look at you like you’re some sort of alien.

That’s not to say there aren’t good things about being single. For example, I can be completely selfish and do what I want, when I want. I don’t have to take someone else’s thoughts into account and if I want to have an early night or slob out in front of a chick flick then I can without explaining myself. I can spend my money on what I want, rather than having to share it with another person, so if I want to buy that new sparkly dress then that’s fine. And if I don’t want to shave my legs for a couple of weeks, then the only person that will be bothered by it is me (well, unless I go out in a skirt, in which case you may want to look away!)

Still, despite the advantages of being single, I’m kind of getting fed up of it now. I’m 25 and I want to meet someone I can share my life with. I want to start planning a life with someone – buy our own house, get a cat and talk about having children together. But more than that, I just want someone who will give me a hug whenever I’m feeling bad, who I can cuddle up to in the evening and watch crappy TV, or who can be my plus one when I’m invited to yet another wedding. But it doesn’t seem to be that easy, especially when you’re not well. I’ve met guys who’ve shown an interest, then they find out I’m chronically ill or have mental health problems and you can’t see them for dust.

It’s really hard being single, especially when it’s because people can’t accept you for who you are. I get really sad when I see friends in happy relationships. I don’t like to be thought of as a jealous person, and it’s great that my friends are happy, but I sometimes wonder if I will ever get my happy ever after.

Have you been single for a long time? Or have you always been in serious relationships? I’d love to hear what you think about it all


  1. I've been single for my teenage years, while other friends kept getting into relationships. I'd always get jealous that my friends were with other people and I was alone, but now I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and he's my first, serious relationship. Sometimes I don't bother shaving my legs and he can't tell, and sometimes we'll watch romantic films together. He's my best friend, so it's nice that I can be a slob and he won't care.
    Jenny x

    1. That's really great that you've managed to find someone who accepts you for who you are and is also your best friend hun :) xx

  2. Feel the same way sometimes but also think it is my own doing as well. The last time I was with a guy was way back in 2011 for a short period, but ended messily (his doing) and completely broke my heart, leading to a decline in health along with other factors.
    I haven't felt ready in a long time and have enjoyed being single but now feel ready for a boyfriend, however my confidence and pickyness letting me down as don't want to be broken again.

    1. That makes a lot of sense Zoe and I can relate to a lot of what you have said xx

  3. I'm in the same boat. Chronic illness and balancing uni means I don't have much energy and time to go out meeting people and my confidence isn't great but I'm the only single one out of my group of friends and I feel like I'm missing out sometimes, although not so much when theyre all having their dramas :)
    Great post
    Beth x

    1. I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar position Beth, although I know what you mean about being thankful to miss out on the dramas! Hopefully one day we will find the right person for us :) xx